come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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