I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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