are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
