Im at strip club and am horny
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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