I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
