Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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