I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
