so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
