nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
