Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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