Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i already hear my dad disowning me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it penis luge time yet?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
