at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
