Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
