so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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