dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
