I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
