we're chasing vodka with high fives
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
