i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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