do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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