Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
