I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
