Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
