is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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