ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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