I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
