Umm I'm too high to move.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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