My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
