My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
