My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
