I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
