Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
that is very illegal...i love you.
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