I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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