I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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