70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
