The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
