So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
