Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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