If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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