I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
