i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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