i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Terrible idea I love it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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