you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
