Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
