His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wanna passion pit in your ass
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
