What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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