wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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