halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
