if you like me you must not know who I am
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
