One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
