i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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