I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
